早上好,公民们。街垒上还有37个人,食物却已经没有了。

I wonder what's the non-pathetic people are doing tonight.

二十个小时不睡的苦果

*杰森试图让提姆为自己伪造新身份*

提姆:种族?

杰森:夏威夷原住民

提姆:

提姆:姓氏?

杰森:Blarfingarred

提姆:拼一下

杰森:S-M-I-T-H

提姆:…再读一遍?

杰森:Blarrrfingarred

提姆:不是Smith?

杰森:我们岛上就这么读的

提姆:名字呢?

杰森:Blarfingarred

提姆:拼一下?

杰森:L-E-E

提姆:我走了

千辛万苦提默西半夜三点敲醒杰森的安全屋

杰森:WTF提姆,你到这来干什么

提姆:我本来想打电话给你的,但我把你的号码弄丢了。我没办法回家,所以也找不到你的电话号码。我试着找公共电话,但是电话线被切断了。

杰森:

杰森:发生什么了

提姆:呃,破坏公物

杰森不出场quote

杰森教提姆打篮球

巴特:如何?

提姆:好吧,我学会了带球上篮,罚球,和二十三分球

康纳:你是说三分球?

提姆:噢,我很娇俏(dainty)所以得分更多

#incorrect robin quiz


Bruce: What do you do if someone chokes?
Jason: Look, if I have to cut a hole in someone's throat, I'll cut a hole in someone's throat.
Bruce: 
Bruce: Cutting a hole in people can't be your answer for everything, Jay.
Jason: Pff
Bruce: Next one, what do you do if there's a fire?
Jason: Follow up question...

Jason: *telling off gals from crime alley* fortune-telling is a scam. "You'll never find a man, your moon is in uranus, no man will ever be in your anus." i could told you that the second day I met you.

Chris: I thought we had something different

Damian: oh please do tell me

Chris: I thought we're... Exclusive, for lack of better word

Damian: what? Like monogamy? You thought we had monogamous friendship?

Chris:

Damian: *taunted* I don't even do monogamy with people I should be monogamy with.

杰森:你真的要听从一个认为我国货币应该换成麦乐鸡块的人的建议?

提姆:但是人家说的不无道理

茫茫酷盖杰森和技术服务guy提姆

杰森:我该选哪一个硬盘?火线还是USB?

提姆:这取决于你的总线(bus)

杰森:

杰森:我开的雪佛兰

提姆:*白眼*

提姆:你的电脑是什么样的?——请不要告诉我是一台白色的。

dumb batbro quote

大概是普通人哎哟

*Dick is driving his police car*

Damian: Grayson, I want to hold the berry.

Dick: ...It's Cherry.

Damian: No it's-- TODD!

Jason: *is laughing to death*

Tim: What are you, like Mr.Cop?

Damian: I'm more cop than you two.

Tim: How?

Damian: I'm in the front seat. I'm Richard'...

incorrect dork quote

杰森:你的论点完全缺乏科学价值,很明显,超人通过飞入黄太阳来清理他的制服,由此可以清除所有污染物,从而使坚固的氪星布料完美无瑕并且散发着淡淡雏菊清香

迪克:

达米安:要是他沾上了氪星物质呢?

杰森:比如什么?

达米安:我怎么知道,氪星芥末?

杰森:*白眼*我认为我们可以确定氪星爆炸时已经将所有氪星调味品摧毁了。

提姆:或者它变成了芥末氪石,唯一能清除威胁地球的邪恶氪星热狗的武器。

达米安:Tt,德雷克,我们这是严肃讨论。

迪克:超人的身体是氪星的,所以他的汗水也是氪星的。

达米安:没错,如果沾到氪星汗渍呢

杰森:超人在地球上不出汗

达米安:好啊,他应邀去瓶中肯朵城赴晚餐,...

Chris: Could you ever see us as being more than friends?

Damian: Yes, I'm glad you asked.

Chris: That's wonderful. I-

Damina: I can totaaly see us as cats.

Chris:

Damian: Hang on, let me find the picture I drew.


incorrect nerdy quote

Jason: Is that the laser, its bitchin'.
Tim: Yes, in 1917 when Albert Einstein established the theoretic foundation for the laser in his paper "Zur Quantentheorie Der Strahlung," his foundest hope was the result device be bitchin'.
Jason: Well, mission accomplished.

this is a worka-can-you-believe-my-ass-holic tim

提姆:*打电话给pr*我要取消掉我的行程

提姆:你看,因为明天是我丈夫的结婚纪念日

杰森:也是你的

提姆:对实际上也是我的

提姆:什么巧合,别犯傻了

1个2bg梗

前提:发生在大小红罗曼史au下


提姆:我打算和杰森告白了

达米安:不关我事,为什么我会出现在这段对话里

提姆:我已经连续看了四部小鸡电影做参考,然后列出了几个可行的求爱方式;我本来还想多看几部,但是我感觉我都要来大姨妈了

达米安:把你的选项跟我过一遍,最让我想呕吐的那个就是赢家

提姆:我可以在他公寓外放歌,但是现在这个年代很难能够找到大手提收音机(boombox)

达米安:而且如果你在他那个街区公放歌的话,你会被人打死——主要是被我打死。

提姆:我还可以带他去中央公园的溜冰场,像冰冰爱可可里那样和他共享热可可和热狗

达米安:好主意:让我想要拽着鼻孔把我的整张脸撕下...

incorrect batfam quotes

Bruce: can I have your attention kids?
Jason: depends, are you a cat video?

im done with work

[in a group chat]

Tim: A 'Z' is just a sideways 'N'

DIck: It is 4am. Let us sleep

Tim: Zo

Jason: Bitch I swear to-


Jason: Whats more painful than heartbreak?!

Tim: Earbuds with only one side working


Dick: Jason would throw himself in front of a car for you.

Tim: Jason would throw himself...

缺德蝙蝠家还有一点23quote

Dick: Good news lil wing!! I am in love!!

Jason: Get better soon, sorry for your loss.


Tim: yeet

Damian: ??

Tim: yoot

Tim: yotun

Tim: yute

Tim: yeeten

Tim: yate

Tim: yeeth

Tim: yeeted

Damian: You stop that right now

Jason Todd, an intellectual:No let him finish


Tim: Hey, look...

incorrect feminist Jason quote

全世界的男人都给我听好了!希望你们以后别再对贫乳的女生说什么「小一点更可爱」这种话,我想请问各位男性,你们有考虑过吗,别人一边偷笑着,一边指着你的鸡〇对你说「小一点更可爱噢,是稀有价值*」这种立场,你们有考虑过吗?女性的贫乳也是一样,说什么稀有价值,什么小一点更可爱,可以的话,当然想大一点啊!


注:貧乳はステータスだ、希少価値だ。最初出自《Shuffle!》中麻弓百里香,经过《幸运星》中泉此方宣扬而广为人知。

你们终于有这一天

Connor: Punch me in the face.

Hank: Punch you?

Connor: Yes. Punch me, in the face. Didn't you hear me?

Hank: l always hear 'punch me in the face' when you're talking, but it's usually subtext.


让世界充满爱

Tim: Don't break someone's heart, they only have one


jason: Yeah…Break their bones. They have 206 of them


红头罩膨胀宣言

I just realised I've suivived everything I've ever encountered in life. I have a 100% survival rate. I'm fucking nailed it.

布鲁斯第一次带杰森回大宅

杰森:所以我可以随便吃吗?

阿福:当然了,您这么小一个孩子能吃得了多少呢

布鲁斯:

布鲁斯:你知道蟒蛇可以吞下一整只猪吗

布鲁斯:他就是这样

sexy douch

Tim: remind me of our safe word?
Jason: um, "Keep going"

傻逼对话

Jason: It's like we were raised with two different religions, like... what are two religions?

Damian: Are you taking suggestions from the audience, or do you really not know the names of two religions?

Jason: --Let's say... a witch and a smurf.

Tim: Question answered.

为了不写论文我是无所不用其极

诸葛青:给大家隆重介绍一下

王也:怎么呢

诸葛青:我身边的这位王也道长

王也:就是我

诸葛青:绝对可以称得上是在我们异人界,我们这些个小辈同龄人当中

王也:噢?

诸葛青:一位可有可无的人物

王也:这您就别介绍了

我现在看礼仪漫谈完全已经带入他们两个了,回头打开我瘠薄的AA剪个也青吹替吧

Paaaaaaass the point of no return

"I love living in the future with advanced technology. It's so great how I can just press a button on a machine and it will splutter hot, fresh coffee outwards at a horizontal angle onto my uniform, completely missing my cup. It saves me the convenience of spilling it on myself through human error...

我在这写什么呢

《今天给您说段相声》
在碧游村
诸葛青: 当时那是前有豺狼,后有猛虎,中间还有个王老五
王也: 怎么不是八大金刚呢
诸葛青: 怎么就八大金刚了
王也: 我们家就仨儿子
诸葛青: 您家里不是按着一三五这么排的吗,老大一,老二三,你老五
王也: 合着我们家排序还排出个等差数列来了?

当他们设计假身份的时候

杰森:好的我们再过一遍,我26岁,生于…(回忆中)德克萨斯州的丹顿市,但我是个海军士兵,所以我成长于世界各地的军事基地。因此一直觉得与社会格格不入——这很有可能就是我药物成瘾问题的原因。

提姆:抱歉,我们刚刚谈过了,作为一个典型的中间儿,你上瘾的根源是无法满足你被关注的需求。

杰森:提姆?我们不会真的要讨论现代心理学吧

提姆:只是告诉你,这是基于我严密的研究基础上写的,你照着我给你的人物性格资料来就行。

杰森:等等,你觉得用这个动机怎么样——当我14岁的时候我在菲律宾受到一个畸形足的海军神父的虐待。

提姆:不,要按照那个中间儿的说法,还有遗传性先天性5羟色胺分泌不足。别忘了他还有先天

This is beautiful, is it Shakespears?

Tim: Hey Jason! It's been a while!

Jason: Where's my fucking hug?

Tim: Say it nicer?

Jason: May I request the whereabouts of my fucking hug, my good bitch?


天真quotes

Tim: Why are people so obessesed with top or bottom? Honestly, I would be excited just to have a bunk bed. 

Jason: … 

Dick: … 

Damian: I’m gonna tell him. 

Dick: Don’t you dare!